Before last week, it felt like forever since I have really written anything. In reality, it had only been a couple of months. Regardless of how long it was, I felt the need to take a hiatus. I had become so inundated with political information and talking about it, I had lost sight of the direction I wanted to go. Everything I was writing was politically driven or an ignorant rant about something I didn’t fully understand. That’s not what I want shorts and sweatbands to be. Now and again, I will poke my two cents in on a matter that is stirring the nation into hysteria, but mostly I just want to talk about shit that is funny. Like wearing socks and sandals, telling dad jokes, and being awkward.
Speaking of socks and sandals…..
My wife made the grave mistake of buying into my want for a pair of Teva sandals. Teva’s are not hip and have a negative vibe to them. They are great for outdoor water activities and terrible for everyday life. They are also the sandal of choice to wear with socks. I received a phone call the other day from her asking what size shoe I wore. Then I received a picture of which one I liked. It was between a tan and black pair. I am not a fan of black shoes (I wear black boots to work) so I chose tan. When I came home from work, there they were. My sweet new Tevas. They came in a pretty standard shoe box, it said Tevas on it. As I opened up the box, my heart began to race. It was like seeing boobs for the first time. St. Peter’s angels began to sing, my mustache began to wav in the wind, and my pants began to slowly rise. It was pure glory. When I put them on my feet, I felt a bunch of tiny hands begin to massage away. As I stood up, I felt ten feet tall and looked down on the people around me as if they were my sergeants. My wife quickly brought me back to reality, by screaming my name for attention.
Note:This is usual anyway since I’m half deaf and have selective hearing.
She asked me how I liked them. “They’re rad, babe. I can’t wait to wear socks with them!” She gave me the death stare. “You will NOT wear socks with those!” She said. All I could think is “watch me.” I told her OK, and went about the rest of my day.
Fast forward a few days later. The wife was on her way home from work, and I was putting the kiddos to bed. I had been waiting for the perfect opportunity to showcase the rad style of socks with sandals to my wife. This was that opportunity. When I heard the truck pull up, I knew my opportunity had come. I already had in some sweet crew socks that were white, so I slipped on my sandals and waited for her to open the door. When she opened the door, she looked at me in disbelief and embarrassment. I had done one of the few things she found ridiculous. Luckily she still has a sense of humor and asked me why as she chuckled. She then proceeded to take my picture and post it all over the Facebook sharing with the world what she has to deal with. I may give her Forest Whitaker eye all the time, but she loves me.
As I am finishing this post, my wife and I are sitting at the bar on a Thursday afternoon, enjoying some kid free time together (she wouldn’t let me leave the house in socks and sandals). I have been singing sweet slutty white girl music into her ear while sipping on some Hudson Baby Bourbon. The power just went out and then came back on (at least the lights did anyway).
Some of you may be wondering why I told you some lame ass story about some Teva sandals. Just do you, don’t take yourself seriously. We all have our own sense of humor, mine just happens to be doing silly things that people find as fashion faux pauxs. If a woman can’t take your sense of humor, ditch her. I may be silly at times and drive the wife crazy with my antics, but she still lets me sleep in the same bed with her (I must be doing something right).
Do work, be rad